I’m writing a book about the painful journey from competing with pornography to accepting I couldn’t beat it. There is a point in this journey that I began to find myself again. Pornography will destroy a person’s happiness, a marriage and relationships if one allows it to. When I first realized my husband was choosing pornography over me, I thought I could win him back by becoming more attractive. It became a competition. When I learned to stop competing with it, and return to being myself, happiness and self love, I began to return to my life.
I now find myself in a life that I only thought would be mine if I died and went to heaven. I feel so much love around me. Only when I learned to accept and love myself did I realize that I could be happy in this life and not have to wait.
Because I’ve kept a journal most of my life, including the decades I struggled with my desire to lure my first husband back into our marriage, I have hundreds of journal entries to sift though and draw from. Some are ugly, some are enlightening; all are important. This editing process and review of the life I left behind for a happy one is taking time.
I am thankful for your support and encouragement. I know I am not alone and I know I have a mission to be of help to others through this journey.
My book is in the rough draft form waiting for the energy I need to complete it.